Day Three-Five: A New Friend?

As I sit down to write this my mind is filled with more questions than answers. What does it mean to be a friend? Is there really such a thing as a friend, or are we truly alone in this life, neither knowing or being known. And finally, where are my house keys? When I got home from my weekend adventure last night I had to sleep in the garage. Possibly, in writing this I will learn some of the answers to these questions.

The adventure began on Friday afternoon. I was able to duck out of the office a bit early (around 11 am) to kick off the weekend. I went home to find that Netflix had sent me "Hidden Fortress". I also found that the power company had plastered some "final notice" paper on the front door. I should really take care of that. Anyway, Hidden Fortress was a Samurai movie, and no joke, Star Wars was a pretty blatant rip off. Well, except for the Star Destroyers and Laser guns, and Death Star, and Robots, well, you get the idea. Anyway, so I am enjoying one of Akira Kurosawa's masterpieces (I am also enjoying the Brunch of Champions which consists of a large Cherry Slurpee, a Pizza Hut Meat Lovers Pizza, a Denny's Grand Slam and a box of Hostess Powdered Donettes) when the doorbell rings. So, I pause the movies set down my plate, and yes, I fit all that food onto one plate, (I guess technically the "plate" was the lid of a garbage can, but now we are just arguing semantics) and ran upstairs to see who had come to visit. Maybe people that are home in the day are use to this kind of thing but it was a new phenomenon to me, but apparently there are these guys from the "Inner City" that have an opportunity to get out of that life by selling magazine subscriptions door to door. Right before my very eyes was a young man, James, trying to better his life by selling magazine subscriptions.

I didn't ask how the whole "get out of the inner-city by selling magazine subscriptions" deal worked, and in hindsight I wish I had. I just assumed James had to sell X number of subscriptions and he got a nice house in the suburbs somewhere. Needless to say I wanted to help the kid out, so I bought two subscriptions from him. The problem was he didn't have any magazines I really wanted. I asked if he had US News and World Report or The Economist and he looked at me like I was crazy.




Not wanting to embarrass myself again while simultaneously wanting to look cool in front of James I just got subscriptions to Field and Steam and Better Homes and Gardens.

This got an even stranger look from him. I was not doing well at impressing James. Feeling the sting of failure creeping up my spine I asked him if he wanted a drink or anything to eat. He replied "Yeah, that would be cool man. Most of the people around here won't even let me get through my sales pitch, your a pretty decent guy."

Yes! I was in, James thought I was cool. "Don't blow it Chris by talking about anything too dorky" I thought. Thinking fast, but also feeling a little desperate I asked James if he ever shot dice. Just as the words left my mouth I thought "Chris you idiot, you are going to sound like the most white bread cracker out. Asking a guy like James if he shot dice was akin to asking someone from Alabama if he was married to his cousin". I braced myself for a stinging rebuke when James said "Yeah man, I like shooting dice, but I can't find any games around here."

I had found my in. After just a few minutes of convincing, James agreed to ditch selling magazine subscriptions to come play dice with me and the guys. And man, he made the right decision, James rolled nine 4's in a row! We made bank. The guys were sure James was cheating so when he finally rolled a 7 on his tenth roll they kicked us out of the game.

We both knew we had witnessed something amazing and that it would border on sacrilege not to do more with this gift James had. So we went to Wendover. The next 72 hours were a blur. James was a machine and at one point we were up $175 grand! I could not believe our luck, James was going to get that house in the suburbs and I was going to pay that stupid "final notice" bill from the power company.

It didn't really strike me as strange at the time, but now I see where it all started to unravel. James and I had just been "asked" to leave the Peppermill Casino by some large, unsavory looking Italian gentlemen. We were walking across the street to the Montego Bay when James said "Hey man, I need to call my Moms". It was 3:30 in the morning and seemed a little late to call home, but not wanting to look like a dork I said "No problem, I'll call home too." He said "Naw man, you just go on in and I will catch up in a minute. Oh, hey I need some money for the pay phone." I said "James I saw you talking on your cell phone like ten minutes ago." "That wasn't mine man, I borrowed it." "But it had 'James' written across the back in Rhine Stones." "Yeah, James is a common name." Just then his cell phone rang. "James I can hear you cell phone ringing." "Look man, just give me some money for the phone." "Ok, ok, how much do you need?" "How much you got on you?" "Well, I think I have around ninty-five grand." "Yeah, just give me that and I should be good." "Uhhh, but a phone call cost like twenty five cents. How about I give you a dollar?"

James was ticked, but he took the dollar and said he was "gonna get me later". I assumed at the time he meant catch up with me later, but hindsight is 20/20. So, I played craps for like an hour in which time I was able to loose all but $25 of my previous $94,999. At that point I realized James was the lucky one and I needed him to help me win it back. I went out into the street looking for him. It didn't take me long because he was looking for me. And so were his large, angry looking friends.

This is a family blog, so I am going to skip most of what happened next, but I will say they were not happy I had lost $94,974 dollars in an hour. They had plans for that money. Also, they had plans for my wallet, phone and car. Lucky for them I had not lost those items. Unlucky for me, I was about to.

Again, this is a family blog, so I will spare you some details, but hitchhiking home from Wendover is not much fun and sometimes you get kicked out of a car somewhere on the salt flats. It took me two days and 7 different rides to get home, but I finally made it. I also now remember where my house keys are; with my car keys in James' possession.

I am glad to be home, now I just need to figure out how to get into the house and pay the power bill...

Day Two: Lessons learned

Ok, I am pretty sure that pizza from last night was from last October. I got pretty sick after eating it. From now on I will eat nothing but fresh fruits and veggies while Sarah is away. And by fresh fruits and veggies I mean the frozen burritos that I found this morning while digging through the freezer.
Word of my temporary bachelorhood is percolating through the social circles here in Salt Lake. This afternoon I got a call from a friend I haven't heard from since I saw him at my wedding reception and he said "You've changed man! You betrayed the trust, we were going to party forever and never let girls tie us down, you are dead to me!" He was having a party tonight to watch the Suns/Lakers game and now that I was cool again I could come over.

I got to the party kind of late because another single friend of mine, Trent, called and wanted to grab dinner. There was a bit of an altercation at dinner which resulted in an unexpected trip to the emergency room, but in hindsite going to dinner at a biker bar will probably end that very same way nine times out of ten. I told Trent I had dislocated my shoulder several times and I could pop his right back in for him, but he was acting like a baby and wanted a doctor to do it so that cost us about an extra hour. Oh, and just one bit of advice, if you are going to grab a bottle and smash it on the bar to brandish as a wepon like they do in the moves, you have got to really hit that that thing hard because they do not break easily. But I digress...

So I showed up at my buddies house just in time to catch the fourth quarter. The Suns put a great run together to tie it up with just a few seconds left, but the hated Lakers were still able to pull out the victory. The game was really disapointing, but it was still really fun to see some old friends that wouldn't talk to me after I got married. They told me how sweet life was and how much fun they were having, but I have to admit as I looked around there crappy house I was pretty glad I was married. Maybe you don't notice this stuff when you are single, but when you get married you get use to living a certain way. For example, Kyle was showing me this "sweet new couch" he "just scored off off the steet" and he couldn't believe that someone would throw away. Well the couch had stains all over it and stunk, and I am pretty sure there was racoon living somewhere in it. Kyle didn't seem to worried about that. It is also nice when you are married that every horizontal surface in the kitchen isn't covered with dirty dishes. Maybe Kyle is right and I am just getting soft, but I do like being a married guy. I thought you would like to see a picture of the bachelor pad and what I am missing:
It's not just the clean, nice house that makes married life a good fit for me, it also gives me direction. Like today I forgot to brush my teeth. No joke. I left the house this morning with a protein shake in hand. As I was heading out the door I thought "grab your tooth brush and brush when you get to the office. So I did, but the tooth brush just sat on my desk all day until I grabbed it to leave. Also, without Sarah the mail is piling up unopened. There are bank statements and bills from the water company and "final notices" from the power company. I am glad she will be home next Saturday to take care of all of this. Well, tomorrow is Friday so I am hoping to have some fun this weekend.

Day One: Adventures in Dining

One of the major hurdles I will need to overcome while Sarah is away is the budget she has me on. Sarah runs the bank account for the family. At the first of each month she gives me money in my own little account to pay for gas and to maybe eat out once or twice for lunch while I am at work. The amount of money she gives me barley covers one trip to the gas station, much less the three I usually have to make in a month. Going out to get lunch isn't even an option most months. Because of this I have had to come up with creative ways to make money so I can get to work and eat. I play in a pretty competitive dice game about twice a week that is held in a back alley somewhere in Salt Lake (I can't give the exact address because the police will come and hassle us). Playing in this game usually gives me just enough money to make it through the month without selling my plasma to a blood bank. Here is a photo of a recent game, I am not in the photo because I took the picture:




So, how does this tie into my post about life without Sarah and Lily you may ask? And my response would be: "Why don't you quit interrupting me and let me finish?" Last week, I had a rough game, the guys took me to the cleaners and I am flat broke until Sarah, like a benevolent benefactor, places my monthly allotment into my account at the first of the month. This means it will be four days until I have any money to buy food. Luckily, the refrigerator is pretty full of food, so I think I will probably make it to the end of the month.

For dinner tonight I dug around in the frige for about 15 minutes before I found anything that looked appealing. Way at the back, under a bottle of marciano cherries (which, by the way I have no recollection of eating anything with marciano cherries as an ingredient as long as I have been married. I have to assume the cherries were the property of our homes previous owners) I found a pizza box!





Unable to believe my luck I flung the lid of the box open to find two pieces of pizza! I hadn't eaten since lunch and it was approaching 9 pm, so needless to say I was hungry enough road kill. As I was putting the pizza into the microwave the thought entered my mind that I hadn't had a pizza from Big Apple since some time last fall when I had ordered one to watch some college football. I was pretty sure this wasn't the same pizza, so I went ahead and enjoyed my dinner. There was a bit of a funny taste, and as I am sitting here to write this my stomach is rumbling a bit, but I am pretty sure I will be fine.

A Lone Man

Chris here. Sarah and Lily are going out of town tomorrow for a trip to Boston, Portland Maine, and finally Woodstock Vermont. The trip will be ten days long and since I have a job that I don't want to get fired from I will be here working. This brings up the concern shared by many that I will not be able to take care of myself and that Sarah will most likely come home to something like this:



But I think I will be fine. I did live as a bachelor until I was 28. I think I can handle 10 days without too many incidents. So, what will my life consist of without Sarah here to remind me to shower, brush my teeth, mow the lawn, go to church etc? Well, I plan on watching all the movies Sarah won't let me watch when she is around. Currently, the next 10 movies I have in my netflix queue have "kung fu", "shaolin monks" or "ninja" in the title. All of the movies will have some scene that will basically be some play on this:



So I pretty much have my nights taken care of. But man can not live my violence alone, what will I eat? Knowing this day was coming for at least a month I have searched blogs, books and best of lists to find the perfect food for by foray back into bachelorhood.



Yes, that is a doughnut bacon burger. And I plan on eating at least 5 while Sarah is away. Some of you may be saying to yourself "But Chris, won't that make you fat?" Well duh.

I will keep you all updated while Sarah is away on how my goals of not setting the house on fire, watching Kung Fu movies and eating myself into an early grave go. Until then, all the best.

Taking After Dad

Everyone says that Lily looks like her Dad and I can already see her personality starting to follow him as well. She, unlike her mother, is the opposite of cautious. I have a dare devil on my hands and I fear that there will be a fair share of bumps, bruises and stitches in her future. I also fear that Chris will teach her backflips on skis and any other number of dangerous stunts all the while saying "shhh don't tell Mom." These photos are of her finding her way onto the top of her play bench and of her and I playing "tunnel." I'm sorry to say that the shot of her standing on the toy bench was quickly followed by a faceplant, and then followed by a brief crying spell and then she wanted to do it all over again. Her favorite game is now "climb-up-on-the-couch-and-then-climb-back-off. We have hard wood floors and she has fallen a few times but will not quit. I'm afraid that although she can't walk yet that I am going to come in and find her standing on the kitchen table---she has a major knack for climbing! I feel sad that she's not a baby any more but a little pre-toddler and a really independent, stubborn, and strong willed one at that! Hmmm....who does that sound like?

 

 

 

 

Easter!

Here is Lily making a mess in her Easter Dress! I could have refilled the basket with the paper grass and let her empty it ALL DAY! She couldn't get enough. She thought the grass was more fun than the stuffed animals inside it...

 

 

 

 

Little Lil is Growing Up

Our Little Lilly Pill ( her most used nickname, and for a reason) turned 1 on March 2nd!
Her personality has Chris and I laughing our heads off and quite worried for her teenage years. She is super dramatic, but soooooo fun and delightful! I have learned to keep EVERYTHING that I don't want her to see and/or hold far from her sight because if I have to take something from her hands-she will throw herself on the floor in full tantrum and scream bloody murder until I return the item, then she'll smile and giggle with delight--yeah, so quite the drama queen! Although not walking yet she is very physical and loves climbing over things, under things, being tossed up in the air, being hung upside down, climbing up the stairs over and over and over, dancing, etc., etc. Her activity level is off-the-charts. I thought girls were supposed to be more mild mannered and boys were the ones with this kind of energy?
I was recently looking at pictures from a few months back and I was shocked at the transformation she has undergone that has brought her from being a "baby" to a little toddler (almost)! She's getting around the furniture and walls easily but insists on being on her tippy toes. I thought she would be walking by now, but she just will not put her heels down so...maybe a few more months? I will post a video of her soon so you can see her in action. We love watching her learn and try to communicate with us. We have "conversations" all day long.