Friday, May 28, 2010

Day Two: Lessons learned

Ok, I am pretty sure that pizza from last night was from last October. I got pretty sick after eating it. From now on I will eat nothing but fresh fruits and veggies while Sarah is away. And by fresh fruits and veggies I mean the frozen burritos that I found this morning while digging through the freezer.
Word of my temporary bachelorhood is percolating through the social circles here in Salt Lake. This afternoon I got a call from a friend I haven't heard from since I saw him at my wedding reception and he said "You've changed man! You betrayed the trust, we were going to party forever and never let girls tie us down, you are dead to me!" He was having a party tonight to watch the Suns/Lakers game and now that I was cool again I could come over.

I got to the party kind of late because another single friend of mine, Trent, called and wanted to grab dinner. There was a bit of an altercation at dinner which resulted in an unexpected trip to the emergency room, but in hindsite going to dinner at a biker bar will probably end that very same way nine times out of ten. I told Trent I had dislocated my shoulder several times and I could pop his right back in for him, but he was acting like a baby and wanted a doctor to do it so that cost us about an extra hour. Oh, and just one bit of advice, if you are going to grab a bottle and smash it on the bar to brandish as a wepon like they do in the moves, you have got to really hit that that thing hard because they do not break easily. But I digress...

So I showed up at my buddies house just in time to catch the fourth quarter. The Suns put a great run together to tie it up with just a few seconds left, but the hated Lakers were still able to pull out the victory. The game was really disapointing, but it was still really fun to see some old friends that wouldn't talk to me after I got married. They told me how sweet life was and how much fun they were having, but I have to admit as I looked around there crappy house I was pretty glad I was married. Maybe you don't notice this stuff when you are single, but when you get married you get use to living a certain way. For example, Kyle was showing me this "sweet new couch" he "just scored off off the steet" and he couldn't believe that someone would throw away. Well the couch had stains all over it and stunk, and I am pretty sure there was racoon living somewhere in it. Kyle didn't seem to worried about that. It is also nice when you are married that every horizontal surface in the kitchen isn't covered with dirty dishes. Maybe Kyle is right and I am just getting soft, but I do like being a married guy. I thought you would like to see a picture of the bachelor pad and what I am missing:
It's not just the clean, nice house that makes married life a good fit for me, it also gives me direction. Like today I forgot to brush my teeth. No joke. I left the house this morning with a protein shake in hand. As I was heading out the door I thought "grab your tooth brush and brush when you get to the office. So I did, but the tooth brush just sat on my desk all day until I grabbed it to leave. Also, without Sarah the mail is piling up unopened. There are bank statements and bills from the water company and "final notices" from the power company. I am glad she will be home next Saturday to take care of all of this. Well, tomorrow is Friday so I am hoping to have some fun this weekend.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Day One: Adventures in Dining

One of the major hurdles I will need to overcome while Sarah is away is the budget she has me on. Sarah runs the bank account for the family. At the first of each month she gives me money in my own little account to pay for gas and to maybe eat out once or twice for lunch while I am at work. The amount of money she gives me barley covers one trip to the gas station, much less the three I usually have to make in a month. Going out to get lunch isn't even an option most months. Because of this I have had to come up with creative ways to make money so I can get to work and eat. I play in a pretty competitive dice game about twice a week that is held in a back alley somewhere in Salt Lake (I can't give the exact address because the police will come and hassle us). Playing in this game usually gives me just enough money to make it through the month without selling my plasma to a blood bank. Here is a photo of a recent game, I am not in the photo because I took the picture:

So, how does this tie into my post about life without Sarah and Lily you may ask? And my response would be: "Why don't you quit interrupting me and let me finish?" Last week, I had a rough game, the guys took me to the cleaners and I am flat broke until Sarah, like a benevolent benefactor, places my monthly allotment into my account at the first of the month. This means it will be four days until I have any money to buy food. Luckily, the refrigerator is pretty full of food, so I think I will probably make it to the end of the month.

For dinner tonight I dug around in the frige for about 15 minutes before I found anything that looked appealing. Way at the back, under a bottle of marciano cherries (which, by the way I have no recollection of eating anything with marciano cherries as an ingredient as long as I have been married. I have to assume the cherries were the property of our homes previous owners) I found a pizza box!

Unable to believe my luck I flung the lid of the box open to find two pieces of pizza! I hadn't eaten since lunch and it was approaching 9 pm, so needless to say I was hungry enough road kill. As I was putting the pizza into the microwave the thought entered my mind that I hadn't had a pizza from Big Apple since some time last fall when I had ordered one to watch some college football. I was pretty sure this wasn't the same pizza, so I went ahead and enjoyed my dinner. There was a bit of a funny taste, and as I am sitting here to write this my stomach is rumbling a bit, but I am pretty sure I will be fine.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

A Lone Man

Chris here. Sarah and Lily are going out of town tomorrow for a trip to Boston, Portland Maine, and finally Woodstock Vermont. The trip will be ten days long and since I have a job that I don't want to get fired from I will be here working. This brings up the concern shared by many that I will not be able to take care of myself and that Sarah will most likely come home to something like this:

But I think I will be fine. I did live as a bachelor until I was 28. I think I can handle 10 days without too many incidents. So, what will my life consist of without Sarah here to remind me to shower, brush my teeth, mow the lawn, go to church etc? Well, I plan on watching all the movies Sarah won't let me watch when she is around. Currently, the next 10 movies I have in my netflix queue have "kung fu", "shaolin monks" or "ninja" in the title. All of the movies will have some scene that will basically be some play on this:

So I pretty much have my nights taken care of. But man can not live my violence alone, what will I eat? Knowing this day was coming for at least a month I have searched blogs, books and best of lists to find the perfect food for by foray back into bachelorhood.

Yes, that is a doughnut bacon burger. And I plan on eating at least 5 while Sarah is away. Some of you may be saying to yourself "But Chris, won't that make you fat?" Well duh.

I will keep you all updated while Sarah is away on how my goals of not setting the house on fire, watching Kung Fu movies and eating myself into an early grave go. Until then, all the best.